Thoughts from our Farewell

 

And so I said goodbye to you the only way I knew how

On a page

The words come out gentle as a lullaby 

Light and cheerful 

But with a tinge of sadness underneath 

 

I tried to keep it light and cheerful

The words I wrote to you

Alluding to times past 

    (The tinge of sadness)

But hoping for a future

With you in it

Knowing as I hand you this letter

The fate of that future rests 

In your hands

 

Once more I hand off the baton

Extend the olive branch

Reach for your hand 

 

We stand in silence nodding at one another 

Knowing why it’s hard for us

To say goodbye 

It was always hard for us

To say goodbye

 

The night I kissed you and said

I’m sorry

What I was really sorry for

Was not grabbing you by the waist and pulling you in closer

Letting you hear the words of my heart through my pounding chest as I pressed it to yours
 

But instead 

I said

I’m sorry

Because it was hard for me to say

Goodbye
 

We stood in silence nodding at one another 

Seeing the tinge of sadness in each other’s eyes

And you said “thank you Michelle”

And I opened my arms to you and held you close

Praying that this time

The words of my heart would find their way to you

In the envelope I handed you as you left 

 

“don’t- I don’t have anything for you”

 

“it’s ok, open it whenever”

 

“if I never open it, it isn’t real, it’s like this isn’t happening”

 

             And I let out a sad laugh 

 

But the words of my heart are real 

And this is happening

And this time when we say goodbye 

I don’t want to have any regrets

Any words left unspoken 

 

The ball is back in your court 

Our fate dependent upon you simply accepting 

The present 

And opening up

The envelope 

And reading my words

and hearing my words 

and believing my words 

 

I hope you have some words for me too

when you do choose to read my letter

Whether it’s tonight or

Tomorrow 

Next month or 

Next year 

 

 I will try to stop eagerly waiting

to reach the landmark that is you 

​

Though I hope to hear from you

 

I hope for any semblance of confirmation or affirmation

That at least for a moment, 

I meant as much to you as you do to me 

 

But maybe that’s my fatal flaw

I give everything

And not everyone is a giver

 

So if all you choose to do is take from me

All I’ve left for you to take are my words

And I hope you take them 

Take them with you