Bear Necessities

 

I don’t even know who gave you to me

I was just small enough to match you in size 

and cover your face in drool

But I am forever damned by and indebted to them

 

I called you the most creative of names 

Teddy

You did not respond

 

Red and blue striped jumpsuit made just for you 

Adorned with the numbers 1, 2, 3

A sewn scar lining your left side

Small but sweet black eyes, constantly covered by fur 

I would clear them for you, as if that would help you to see me or the world

 

Holding you brought me peace, comfort, protection

The smell of home ingrained in your fur

I’d press my nose into the little nook of your forehead

Craving a whiff of that familiar drug

Affixing my face to yours 

Developing a scrunched nose

Side effect

The crease I’d try to iron out

But I couldn’t help myself from breathing you in

 

Misshapen legs became more misshapen

Furry forehead became more matted and black

My parents prescribed a journey through the wash, though I feared you’d lose 

Your form

Your scar

Your smell

 

How was I supposed to “outgrow you” when I had grown up with you and somehow; 

you had grown up with me?

Forever in my possession yet knowing I need to stop using

But I’m in no rush

I need a rush

 

How to quit a habit

How to go cold turkey?

needing your smell to sleep

 

My childhood sponsor

Lessening my dependency with age

Familiarizing myself with coming down on my own

But there are side effects to withdrawl, too 

 

Though you’ve been busted from my bedside, 

I am at peace knowing you are a safe distance away,

Knowing the fur in your eyes protects you now from seeing the monkey on my back

 

I try 

a fix for a fix

Ingraining my own skin 

Following the tracks that should lead me 

Hoping that this hit will get me there

I have found new means of getting high

That don’t include crimping my nose

But there’s no incense that burns like home

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